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Saturday, June 28, 2008
* sick & tired */ 11:10 PM i'm finally back to post, after dunno how many 889217389130919 days. and only 1 word can sum up how i feel right now: TIRED. as in, really tired and worn out in many aspects. not getting enough slp (slept for total of less than 6 hrs in past 2 days), not getting enough to eat (been eating only 2 meals per day), not getting enough $$ to spend, not getting my homework done, not getting enough time to spend with my family, not getting anything right for whatever i do. it's very disheartening. but what can i do? i can only try my best to hang on, to improve, to do all i can to make things right. sigh. i felt so tired that the moment i reached home today, i went to my bed immediately. even after bathing i just landed on my parents bed to rest. my feets were still numb and aching, and at this moment they are still numb. too much dancing, walking and shopping done today... sigh. i think i almost hurt my toe when dancing nick's choreo today. and i feel so cui (meaning, very weak). i had to struggle to stay awake. i had to bear with my hunger tht i almost got gastric. my shoulders and neck were aching like crazy for the whole day, and so were my feets. i feel that i've lost so much weight, so much body mass. my muscles are in decline. seriously. i dun feel fit anymore. gone are the days where i was a really fit physical training instructor. =( and then i have no $. which sucks especially when i have a gf. i want to be able to buy my baby more things, to provide for her and also for myself, but i just dun have $. dammit. everything is just taking its toll on me. being a designer, a dancer, a boyfriend, the eldest son at home, the future head of the family, and for everything there's so much responsibility. i know i gotta be able to handle everything, i wanna be more mature and stable so that i can handle it all... but time and energy isn't on my side. i keep trying my best but things just screw up when it all comes together. for design, i cannot fail my 3D modelling again. i cannot fail my portfolio. i cannot miss anymore art & design hist lectures for dance, i gotta focus on KO night and FB production, which is enough to kill all the time i need for homework. brilliant. as a boyfriend, i gotta be more understanding, to give in more, to be more alert and mature, stable, basically i juz gotta be everything that every girl wants their bf to be. and now i've added a new priority, and that's to save more $ and earn as much as i can. i wanna treat my dear like a princess. =)) as the eldest son at home, i gotta find more time for my family. that's the most important thing but i juz can't seem to get it done. sigh. and speaking of being the future head of the family, i dun even think i deserve to be one. but i cannot hide from this responsibility. i gotta save more $ for the family, for my own marriage and everything else. and it's time that i start to be really less dependant, coz next year i'm going NS already. if i dun start being more independent now, i'll never be able to do it. i know i muz jiayou. no matter how tired i am, i must buck up... i'll do whatever it takes, for the ppl i love and care. it may be very tiring, but i must do it and I WILL. it's not easy, i ain't superman, but who says miracles can't happen? |
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Profile Born in Singapore on 11th April 1989 as Soh Chun Kiat, aka CeeKay. Currently a digital media design student in NYP. Loves photography and dance, specialises in locking. |
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Arjuna// Audrey// Choon Hang// Dawnn// Diane// Huda// Jess Lim// Kah Sing// Karen// Puaz// Regina// Ronald// Simin// Veron// Yismin// FB Blog// Natasha Studio// Lion City Lockers// My Youtube// Credits
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