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Monday, September 17, 2007
* my secret */ 11:38 PM dun feel like blogging much abt today's events... coz it's really crappy.. zzz. just a brief summary: went to PS alone to buy some protective gears for Fong and myself, headed back to sch to dance and practise locking, then Tyron and I were dragged into an incident whereby Billy almost got beaten up by a f**ked up guy. thankfully nothing happened and nobody got hurt yea; for a moment i was really worried that a fight would start. the guy is just unbelievable.. what an unreasonable rogue. hmmms. what a wretched day. and for once, i couldn't stop my emotions from affecting my dance. i tried hard, but it's just too difficult to balance my thoughts... it's really ironic of the agony that i'm going thru.. for more than 10 years of my life, i was deprived of a complete family.. and for so many years i was kept in the dark about the full story.. sometimes i wished, i never had to grow up, because as i grew the more i knew. and knowing more about my own past, meant that i had to suffer more knocks along the way of growing up.. as i grew, i told myself that i have to live on with the truth, and to always treasure ppl whom i felt are important to me.. i was afraid of losing more closed ones, hence the irony that right now, i'm just about to lose 2 important ones at the same time. one of them, i chose to let go coz it's too painful to hold on.. and letting go, is the best solution to both of us... the other, it seems like what i did is just too hard to be forgiven.. i can't even forgive myself in the first place. but it's not like i wanted to lose anyone at all. haiiz. everything had just happened so quickly, so fast, that i still can't digest it all completely... never had the memories of my darkest days surfaced so suddenly, and so depressingly as well.... this is really shit. for all these to happen, just 4 days before Floor The Love. not the best of preparations for a competition, for sure. if only someone knows i really feel... to understand the feeling of what i fear; the fear of losing the ones i treasure and cherish... i wish i can believe that, just as what ppl says, "all things happen for a good reason"... if only it's that easy to believe. |
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Profile Born in Singapore on 11th April 1989 as Soh Chun Kiat, aka CeeKay. Currently a digital media design student in NYP. Loves photography and dance, specialises in locking. |
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